One of my favorite bloggers started a Journal Day on her blog and invited all of her readers to join in. I guess I'll give it a try.
So with that said -
Looking at all of the life you've lived so far, can you pinpoint one time frame or instance that you feel truly contributed to your growth as a person? This may be a turning point, a positive or negative experience, a moment or collection of moments that stand out in your mind...something that changed you as a whole.
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I've always known that couples argue and that things don't always go the way we planned but I never expected it to be like this. See my parents have always argued about regular things like, my dad forgetting to pay the light bill or my mom putting water where the oil goes in the car. About six years ago we went to Cuba to visit family and my dad started to seem different to me. He was drinking more (I'd never seen him drink more than a beer) and smoking cigars like it was his mission, and then his attitude got a little bit too weird for me.
A little over a year passes and I've got a good job and well a brand new car that I could afford thanks to my job. Around the same time both my parents lose their jobs, cars, and we lose our home to foreclosure. We decide to move to another home and rent. Now this is where my life goes from very contempt and happy to I wish they were never my parents. I begin to notice that my dad is gambling, not coming home, and well flat out disrespecting my mom and me. He's never been physically abusive but he's good at playing your brain like he's playing the guitar. In retrospect, it would've been smarter for my mom and I to just move out by ourselves seeing as I was the sole supporter. Instead I found myself at the tender age of 19 arguing with my dad to the point we nearly fist fought, seeing them fight every single day, catching him stealing money from our purses, waking up to them arguing in the middle of the night, and finally knowing that while my mom was at home alone he was in bed with another woman. See it turns out he was having an affair with a lady who my mom cooked for. How did I find out? Well what did it was I saw them together one night. My mom knew and just didn't care.
Whoever's reading this now I know the above doesn't seem like a big deal because let's face it most men cheat but in my family that's the worse thing you can do to your family. Now the cheating continues for about 2 years up until I call the cops on her for nearly crashing into my car one evening but this story isn't about her. My parents continue to argue and in my opinion flat out disrespect each other everywhere. My mom would call him out in front our family and he would just call her names. She would go to the ladies' house and yell at her. All the while I'm trying to find a way to pay for a house,utilities, a car, insurance, gas, cell phones, groceries, and internet yet this is how they repay me. How did I pay for all that? Well, some was from my paycheck and the others credit cards. Now to make matters worse my grandmother and uncle never helped me. They never asked how I felt about all this or if I needed help. Instead I got this, "you know they're you parents and you need to stick around and help them through this time of need." Oh and my favorite, "they're lost and they don't know what they're doing but if you leave we will never speak to you again." Frankly, I should've left and never looked back but what kept me around was knowing that I am all my mother has. All of her family is still in Cuba and I am her only child so I couldn't fathom the fact that if I left it would literally kill her. She tried a few times to bring things to normal but I think at some point she gave up and stopped trying to keep it all together. Luckily my boyfriend stuck around for me and helped me through this.
It has been a year since that storm fully calmed but I cannot forgive my parents for all the stress and responsibility they put on me at such a young age. I don't forgive my grandmother or my uncle for letting me go through it alone, no child should be put through such drama no matter their age. I was forced to grow up over night and take care of things that were not my responsibility. I don't want pity and I don't need people to tell me how brave I am. What I want is for other people out there who may go through the same or similar situations to know that you don't need a strong support system of friends or family all you need is one person who believes in you and will take care of you when the ones who are supposed to be there fail you. I don't resent my parents completely because it taught me that no matter what happens in this life I am a fighter. I was put through mental abuse, depression, anxiety, and a lot of hostility and thankfully made it out the other side a better person for it. I'm not totally over that time in my life because it's tough for me, my boyfriend still doesn't forgive my parents but he looks passed that and I love him for it.
I'm not sure if all this will make sense but I just needed to get it out and luckily Danielle posted this today.
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